It Was Never Hate
by Tuesday The First
Summary: Oneshot. Rachel knew right then and there that she was only their lapdog, their plaything, their toy. Pezberry/Faberrittana


_AN: Because I love the unholy trinity and Rachel Berry oh so much, here is a Pezberry/Faberrittana Oneshot._  
_Summary: Rachel knew right then and there that she was only their lapdog, their plaything, their toy._  
_Disclaimer: Bro, I don't be ownin' this._  
_Review it, favourite it, enjoy it._

**It Was Never Hate**

Eighth grade had been a hard time for Rachel. She had moved to Lima a lonely girl with not even a pen pal to tie her back to where she had come from. Not that it mattered. Where she was, she was nothing and even though she was nothing in this new place, she felt more connected to Lima than her former residence.

She stumbled into a middle school with her head downcast and her feet shuffling quickly to get to her first class. Bodies pushed her and shoved her left and right. Everyone was bigger than her. Everyone was always bigger than her and everyone, even if they didn't notice it, took advantage of their size against her.

Rachel fell into a nearby bathroom to get off the busy hallways to check her schedule again. She dropped her backpack to the floor and went to search through it when she felt eyes on her. Her back went rigid and she turned around to see three girls. Two blondes and one with hair so dark brown it was nearly black. Each wore different expressions.

One blonde looked at her with blank eyes but Rachel knew she was judging her behind them. Something about the way the corner of her mouth turned down disapprovingly led her to that conclusion. The other blonde was smiling at her with a mischievous glint in her eye like she was planning something and Rachel had turned up at the perfect time for her plan to be executed. Then there was the third girl.

Rachel's jaw clenched and her stomach dropped when she looked into her dark eyes. Her mouth was turned up in pure disgust as if Rachel had just up chugged on the floor and the putrid vomit had gotten on her sneakers. But what made Rachel want to run out crying was the look in her eyes. They were hard and set and full of something Rachel had never felt directed at her before. Hate.

"Who the hell are you staring at, midget?" Those were the first words Santana had ever said to her and the words would never leave her.

"Are you lost, sweetie? Need someone to page your mommy for you?" Those were Quinn's. Her voice was all cotton candy and sugary sweet but the undertone was thick with distaste.

"Oh my god," Brittany was the last of them to speak. "She's, like, freakishly little, San." She leaned over to her partner in crime to whisper. "I bet she can fit into my Barbie clothes."

"Uh," Rachel's words failed her for the first time in her short thirteen years of living. She was paralyzed where she stood still breaking over the way Santana was looking at her. She didn't even know her and she had already decided to loathe her. "I, um, I'm trying- I"

"God, is she retarded or something?" Quinn rolled her eyes.

Brittany's eyes lit up. "Do you get to ride the special bus?"

"Can we just leave?" Santana was seething. Rachel saw her knuckles protrude out of her skin as she balled her hands into tight fist. "It's feeling a little crowded in here."

The other two agreed and left Rachel but Santana didn't go without shooting her one more leer. It was a look that was to put Rachel in her place for the rest of her years with them. At the bottom.

Even when the three of them showed up at her house a couple weeks later requesting her presence, she knew right then and there that she was only their lapdog, their plaything, their toy and she let them run over her.

Brittany would dress her up as she pleased, and Quinn would make comments about her two dads and how her parents would get them run out of town if they showed their 'lust' for each other outside the privacy of their home. Santana, though…Santana wouldn't even touch her. She watched her two friends have their fun picking at her, dolling her up, that loathing never leaving her eyes.

Rachel didn't understand why Santana came with Quinn and Brittany, but as the year dragged on, she started to notice that the three of them were inseparable. Where one would go, the other two would follow. If one of them was in detention, so were the other two. If one of them went through the lunch line, they got food for the three of them and would share it.

Sometimes Rachel was a part of their lunches. She'd sit on the opposite side of the table and listen while they talked. Rachel picked up on more things as she listened. She wasn't allowed to do much other than listen and she always wondered why they spoke their secrets around her.

She found that Brittany and Santana were closer to each other than their third comrade, but Quinn didn't seem to mind. Later on, one night that she was dragged into Santana's house, she found out why that was.

Rachel was sitting in a recliner while Quinn sat on the couch with Santana's legs in her lap as she laid down making no room for her. Brittany soon came in and laid down on top of Santana. She then pressed her lips to hers and they kissed, long and heated, until Quinn slapped Brittany's leg for them to stop.

Rachel sat frozen in the chair, her jaw dropped. Santana's eyes found hers and, though that hatred was still there, her lips curved into a smirk. A smirk that made Rachel's insides squirm with the feeling of a thousand worms. That seemed to make Santana happy and for the rest of her night, she made sure to make every touch she gave Brittany was seen by her and every brush of their lips was witnessed.

Rachel left that night feeling prickly and hot and meaningless and aching all in one.

Freshmen year, the ritual continued. Their taunts on Rachel didn't ease up. In fact, they became harsher but it was all a part of the messed up social system at McKinley High. Rachel was at the bottom where Quinn, Santana and Brittany had placed her when she first turned up in Lima, but she plummeted to an even lower plateau when the three shot up for being Cheerleaders.

They ruffled pompoms in her face when she showed up at Brittany's house upon her request. They danced around the room to crappy pop music, rejoicing in their new status. Santana had Brittany pinned against her door kissing her like she always did but her intentions, Rachel knew, were not for them two but for her. Santana was teasing her again. Her stomach churned and she looked away.

Quinn laughed from where she was sprawled on Brittany's bed worn out from dancing. "You're sick, Berry," Her laugh cackled again and the sloppy kiss the other two girls were in came to an end. "You totally wish you were over there, don't you?"

She didn't say anything.

"Oh yeah," Brittany said breathlessly. "She so does. She always has."

Rachel's neck burned and she demanded her legs to move and take her out of there, but all of their eyes on her kept her rooted in place. Santana's eyes, in particular, were keeping her rooted the strongest.

"Give it to her, Q," Santana ordered her.

Quinn shot her a look of disapproving at being bossed around. Rachel started to notice their battle for dominance in the group on their coming to high school. So far, Quinn was still on top.

"Do it, Quinn," Brittany's mouth was an open grin. "It'll be awesome."

Without another word, Quinn was up off the bed and she was tugging on Rachel to get her on her feet. Rachel fell forward and their bodies crashed together. Santana made a snide comment about her being so eager to get her lips on Quinn's, but it was lost in the air when Quinn started to kiss her.

It was rushed and uncoordinated, but it still felt good. Something erupted inside of Rachel. A hunger. She gripped Quinn's hair to deepen the kiss and their tongues fought around in each other's mouths.

"Oh," Brittany said aloud and the magic was broken. She looked at Quinn with lidded eyes. "That was hot. Right, San?"

Rachel turned to look at Santana over Quinn's shoulder. She was staring at her. It was no surprise to see that revulsion in her eyes, but this time it was accompanied by something new. Envy? She didn't have a chance to analyze it because Brittany had yanked her back into a kiss and Quinn had snatched her into her arms bringing them crashing onto Brittany's bed.

The rest of the night was a blur.

The next year brought on more things with the trio and her. One new thing it didn't bring was the out of place-ness Rachel still felt from being with them. It was never a quartet. It was always the trio and her. Quinn, Santana, Brittany then, as an afterthought, Rachel. Eighth grade seemed so far away, yet nothing had really changed in that aspect of the arrangement.

They were at Quinn's this time, and alcohol was coursing through their veins. Rachel was sitting at Quinn's desk trying to help Brittany with one of her assignments only it was becoming difficult to concentrate while Santana and Quinn wrestled on her bed.

She couldn't remember what the wrestling had started over. Something about a Puck and a Finn. It didn't matter what it was because neither girl even cared. They were wrestling just for the fun of wrestling and for the thrill of palms slapping flesh and bodies pounding bodies.

Rachel tapped on Brittany's shoulder to grab her attention but she was absorbed in her two best friend's fighting. So much for studying.

There was a thud that shook the room as both girls hit the floor. Rachel gasped when she thought Santana was strangling Quinn, but when she looked again she saw that she was kissing her. They broke apart for a moment to catch their breath in laughing pants.

Quinn beneath Santana brought up her hand to land a slap on her cheek. Santana snarled and gripped Quinn's wrist, bolting them to the floor on either side of her head.

"Don't fucking hit me," Santana hissed.

Quinn laughed under her. "You like it," She mocked. Her leg bent quick so that her thighs banged hard between Santana's legs. Her eyes widened. "You like that too, I bet."

"Fuck," Santana leaned down to kiss her. There was so much ferocity in it that it was frightening. Quinn's thigh rocked against Santana's center and the kiss lost control for a moment as the sensation sizzled through her. "Quinn," Santana's voice was thick with want.

Rachel watched as her hips started to buck and Quinn kept rocking her thigh into Santana. The air around Rachel was thick and warm, no, hot and dry. This was something new to witness and it excited her. The hushed moans of Santana as Quinn rode her out and the satisfied smirk on Quinn's lips as she showed who was in control even though she was on the bottom were mesmerizing.

A cold hand landed on the back of Rachel's neck drawing her away from the sight. She looked up to see Brittany peering down at her. She had that look on her face that Rachel knew all too well. She wanted her. No. She needed her for the release Santana was getting.

Rachel allowed Brittany to kiss her. The kiss was softer than Quinn's had been and delicious. It left her instantly breathless and gave her a sense of floating in clouds.

Strong arms hooked under her thighs and Brittany picked her up from the chair, carrying her on her front to the bed where she fell, bouncing on her back.

Brittany's experienced lips trailed up and down her neck and behind her ear. The whimper that escaped from her throat shocked her, but the loud cry that came from Santana's throat as she hit her climax was even more unexpected.

That sound seemed to will Brittany on quicker and Rachel found her thigh trapped between Brittany's legs and hers between Brittany's. She wasn't sure of what to do so she copied Brittany's rocks.

A new sensation shot through Rachel as she felt Brittany graze against her core. Her mouth fell open and Brittany attacked her neck, which made them both start to pump faster.

It was slow going but Rachel didn't want the sensation to end. When it was at its highest, her eyes shut and her toes curled as she had her first orgasm. It felt good, new, fresh, hot. Brittany kissed her lips and dismounted her to wrap her arms around Santana who was sitting in the chair she once occupied.

Rachel found her eyes. This time she was sure of it. It was envy.

Time ticked on and Rachel was still their little plaything, but no longer did she complain. It felt good where they had placed her. She might still be nothing, but for those moments when the three girls would say her name and glance at her, she felt, if only for a moment, that she was a part of something special. But she wasn't.

Unfortunate events pulled Quinn away from them for nine months and after those were over, she was never the same and her distance with them was great. Brittany and Santana felt the weight of losing their third edition but kept on as normal as they could.

A mishap during junior year had wrenched Brittany out of Santana's arms and into the lap of a boy in a wheelchair. Rachel watched it all happen from the sidelines and could do nothing about it. None of them listened to what she said and if they did they waved it off and forgot it the next second.

Everything was over, she thought. The trio was in shambles and she was still dirt on someone's shoes. But then she found her and Santana in her room one night.

It was awkward, off, different to only have the two of them. They didn't look at each other for most of the night and Rachel didn't mind. It felt nice to have someone, anyone, in her midst. To have Santana was more than she could ever ask for.

"Are you and Britt-"

"Shut up, Berry," Santana snapped at her from where she laid in the middle of Rachel's bed. Even in her own home, she was pushed to the side. "I hated you, you know," She said off handedly.

Rachel lifted her chin off the back of her desk chair. "I always knew,"

Santana scoffed. "You're so pathetic," If Rachel was back in eighth grade, standing in that bathroom with those eyes on her, she would've been hurt by those words. She had years of practice to let them roll off her back. "You just hung on me and Brittany and Quinn like a little bitch."

Rachel shifted positions. Santana was looking at her now, a blank canvas crossing her features. Rachel saw a flash of the middle school girl for a moment. Santana had grown a lot. They all had.

Rachel licked her dry lips. "Does that mean you don't now?" She asked. Santana's eyebrows raised a fraction. "You said you hated me, which means you hated me then. If you would've said you hate me, then that would imply that you still hate me."

There was a tiny crack in Santana's mask. It gave Rachel that quick moment to weasel herself in the way she saw Brittany do on numerous occasion. "Do you hate me, Santana?" She asked again.

Her cheek twitched. "Yes,"

Rachel bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from smirking. She knew it was a lie. It filled Rachel with an array of emotions she couldn't draw name to at the moment. She swallowed hard.

"Is that why you never kissed me?" She didn't look at Santana but she saw her shift positions out the corner of her eye. "You made Quinn kiss me then Brittany did." Her gaze turned back to Santana. She was boring into her hard but it wasn't having the desired effect she wanted and she knew it. "Why didn't you ever kiss me?"

"I never wanted to."

"You didn't?" No answer. Rachel ignored the rapid rise and fall of Santana's chest. "You teased me a lot with Brittany. You would always kiss her in front of me." She looked down at the floor as she spoke.

She heard the springs of her bed ease as Santana rolled off it. Rachel could feel her drawing closer. The air was heavy and scorching. Rachel's throat was dry again and her heart was hammering her ribs.

"You wanted me to kiss you." Rachel said softly.

A hand grabbed her chin and her head was wrenched up. Santana looked down at her, her face blank but her eyes swimming with desire and heat and passion. It made Rachel lick her lips again and her breath quicken.

"Did you want me to kiss you and that's why you teased me?" Asked Rachel.

"No," Yes. "I hate you," No you don't.

Rachel's breath was stolen from her when Santana kissed her. Her kiss was completely different from Brittany's gentle press but more controlled than Quinn's sloppy kisses had been. Santana's knocked her senses awry and set her instantly on fire. She was flying and melting and burning.

Her body was weightless as Santana helped her out of her chair and onto her bed. They were desperate, yearning, for more contact with one another, but neither wanted to move too fast and ruin the moment.

Santana fell between Rachel's legs, her hips running into her as she sucked on her bottom lip. Her teeth clamped down around the flesh and Rachel whimpered in painful pleasure. She snaked her hands down Santana's sides, her nails scraping skin as she yanked off her shirt. Rachel's was off along with her bra before she even knew it.

Open mouth kisses fell on her chest and warm lips found her breast and she sucked, bringing Rachel's nipple erect and bit down. Rachel squirmed but it only added to Santana's advances. Her free hand cupped Rachel's unattended breast and rolled it between her fingers.

Rachel fumbled to undo Santana's bra and she threw it away from her. She sank into Rachel's cold palms and moaned against her chest as her mouth and hand switched places. Santana's hips rocked into her again making Rachel's quick fingers falter at the button of Santana's jeans for a second.

She got them undone and Santana helped her pull them, along with her underwear, down her legs. She kicked them off and her mouth left Rachel's chest to kiss down her stomach. Her teeth found hipbone and Rachel groaned at how strong the shiver of arousal shot up her body from it.

She missed when Santana slid off her shorts but that didn't matter when her hands were on the inner parts of her thighs, kneading the flesh while her mouth dipped lower and lower.

Her mouth attached to where her hand had been on Rachel's thigh and sucked. Rachel grabbed a fistful of Santana's hair trying to guide her to where her body was begging for her to get to but she wasn't moving fast enough.

When the span of Santana's tongue finally found her core, Rachel's moan was a note of perfect pitch. Each lap of Santana's tongue sent waves of pleasure through Rachel. Her back arched up off the bed and her hips rocked for more contact. Harder. Faster.

Santana pushed her legs further apart and Rachel closed her eyes forgetting about the ache of the stretch and getting lost in the finger that had just been slid inside of her. The feeling was new and her hips lifted high off the mattress.

Her hands found dark hair again and her nails stabbed scalp but Santana didn't seem to mind. A second finger found it's way into Rachel and her jaw clenched hard. She felt herself getting closer to the edge.

"Santan…" The name was lost as a harsh moan left her throat. A third finger.

Rachel dropped her hands from Santana's hair and clasped the blankets beneath her. A swirl of Santana's tongue, a moan from Rachel's throat. A thrust of Santana's fingers, a cry of her name.

There was something about Santana's pace, something about the way she was handling her. Something that told her that Santana had been waiting on doing this to her for a long time. It brought every look of hatred that was a mask of envy into focus. She had wanted that first kiss that Quinn had stolen. She had wanted that first orgasm that Brittany had the pleasure of taking. But this…

Rachel's voice pierced the air as she was sent over the edge. Santana pumped her fingers a few more times and sucked on her clit a few more times to ride out her orgasm.

Santana retracted her fingers and wiped them on the inside of Rachel's thigh. She took Rachel's lips and she could taste herself on Santana's tongue. It made her dizzy.

Their kisses soon became sloppy and lethargic and Santana fell down next to her, her own chest heaving. Rachel lolled her head to look at her, and sure enough Santana was looking back at her but it wasn't the same.

Where there had once been anger, hatred, loathing, and envy was now accomplishment, fulfillment, and triumph. It was what Santana had wanted the first moment she laid eyes on the tiny, horrible dressed, new girl that walked into their bathroom. She wanted her and she had finally gotten her. She had gotten her better than Quinn or Brittany had.

Santana blinked away from her to peer at the ceiling. When she spoke, it was a new voice Rachel was hearing. It was a voice she had only heard her hear use with Brittany and occasionally Quinn. In that voice was a tone that told Rachel that she was no longer her toy, her plaything, something to be messed around with. It was the tone she had wanted to take with her all along but feared how Quinn would've twisted it and Brittany would've had fun off of.

"I hate you, Rachel,"

"I know," Rachel's heart fluttered in her chest. "I love you too, Santana."

_el fin._


End file.
